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Tegoxshi
Transparent Notes  
18th-Jan-2015 08:55 pm
I wrote a little something a while ago when I read Shige’s interview that was kindly translated by spilledmilk25 on livejournal.
This fic includes 6nin NEWS and is all about Shige time during that era and current.
^^ huge thank you to cherribells for reading it for me and encouraging me to gain confidence with my writing and to help me learn how to post on Live Journal.
*please note I’ve never shared my writing public before so please excuse my mistakes!

Title: Transparent Notes
Author: Tegoxshi
Pairing: None. Kato Shigeaki's life.
Rating: PG
Genre: Friendship,Drama [ sorry If i have these wrong ]



"Everybody had their own character, they were extremely charming. Tegoshi had little experience and couldn’t really dance but he sang greatly. Everybody had their own colour."

" What’s my colour? ”

“ Where do I belong? ”

A half-hearted chuckle was heard from the young idol. Looking back at his reflection, his features scrunched an ugly expression. The irises in his eyes began to line with water. Why was he here and what for?

It was just him alone in the dance hall. The back up dancers even packed their bags and left without a second glance to him, he who was standing in the center of the floor. Shige turned his back. He refused to look at the image that he hated so much. He saw a pathetic boy who couldn’t do anything, the loser of the group you could say.

If it wasn’t for his best friend Koyama he would have quit many years ago. He was frustrated. Dragging his feet across the floor, the idol casted a glance to the white notice sticking out of his bag. It would have been so easy to walk away right now, to forget this life path that he had chosen. Still refusing to acknowledge the mirrors behind him, the young boy walked to his bag.

His hands trembling. Shige held the thin envelope between his fingers, pulling out the note.

" I can just walk away. We’ve lost two already “

That’s right. This was his answer. Kato Shigeaki, the idol would no longer exist. He’d just be a regular plain school boy, stressing daily over exams and homework. He would be rejected in love, fall in love, and laughing with his friends, not here miserable on his own in some stupid dance hall.

The dance hall was tiny. For the juniors they never got to use the bigger halls. Although NEWS had debuted as a group they were still minor. Everyone had their own character, their own…colour…

” Just what is my colour? “

Shige began to think of his ‘teammates’.

Red, Yellow, purple,

Pink, blue, ????

Red described the leader of the group,Yamashita Tomohisa. A bold energy burned with desire and lust, capturing capturing everybody’s gaze who’s eyes bestowed upon him. Shige knew from his hobby of reading that the colour red affects people in the way of excitement. Yamapi certainly did that. The girls’ screams and shouts only called out his name. Shige didn’t hate Yamapi. He wasn’t even jealous. Mainly he felt relief that he was center. Without the spotlight on himself, he could remain the shadow and slink away to where the light could stand out. He could leave easily and no one would bat an eyelash.

A lump in his throat arose at the thought of that. He really was outshone by all the members. Still his small, self loathing,pity-party nagged at his mind to continue.

Next up was Yellow.

The ever so bright Masuda Takahisa. His smile could be etched in to the minds of people from just one glance. The sunshine known to be the ever so radiant ‘cutie’ (as the girls screamed countless times). Shige really thought that the colour yellow suited him. Actually if he were to write the dictionary himself, Massu would be the subsection under the word ‘yellow’. Masuda Takahisa was a ray of hope, a person who by walking on stage, could uplift anyone’s spirit. He was fun, loving, and truly lived life to the fullest. Shige secretly wished he could be as bouncy and happy as his fellow band member, though he could never pull it off. Massu was fine. Either way he got along with everyone but most of all his duo partner Tegoshi.

The flash of pink Illuminated his mind

Crossing his legs as he sat down on the floor, Shige could only fit one person to that colour. The one and the only Tegoshi Yuya: The kid was the same age as him, yet he was insanely annoying. Shige could never understand how one person could remain so loud 24/7,with the occasional silence when he was eating. Though the silence had soon ended when Ryo and Tegoshi created a running gag. He was jealous, that much was true. Each member seemed to click and fall into their own pattern. Why was pink Tegoshi Yuya? A wry smile crept its way on to Shige’s face.

The boy was like a puppy seeking attention and needed assurance from the one and only leader. Pink represented nurturing and compassion. Though the reason Shige had picked that colour for him was the fact that pink was a weaker version of red. Tegoshi was radiant, Tegoshi was loved. Though most of all he was a copy of the leader Yamapi. Clothing,personality and mainly he tried to copy the looks of his beloved senpai too. Tegoshi although he couldn’t dance, Shige admitted had the best voice in the group.

A chill ran up his spine thinking of the next colour. It wasn’t on purpose nor did he have hate for this person, Shige simply just found him cold. Nishikido-kun.

Blue was the only colour that Shige could pin to him and not change at all. Unsocial and always giving that stern expression. Blue represented the need to be sincere, to be reserved and quiet. If only he could rely on him. Whenever he got too close to the older idol, Kato could only freeze in place. The feeling of daggers running up his entire body until the boy had turned on heel and walked directly in the other direction. Blue represented the need to be sincere, to be reserved and quiet.

Shige couldn’t really pinpoint him as a bad person but he was scared. He was scared to get too close to the “cool” guy of the group, the shadow leader you could say. His fame could battle Yamapi’s and that’s what worried Shige. They were so different from each other.

"Different?"

"Am I different?"

"Don’t be silly of course I’m no-…. I am."

He wasn’t cool. He wasn’t center. He even had people at concerts writing things on their uchiwa “Shige is 6th best”.

It broke his heart. He hated it.

With his lips trembling, the letter scrunched in his grasp. Shige’s body shook. He was fighting an internal battle and trying to hold back a sob from overtaking him.

He had pride, he wouldn’t cry here. He’d done that so many times since his debut. Letting out a soft whimper, his voice raising in pitch as he whispered countless times to himself,

"do not cry now."

It was then that Shige realised he had forgotten a colour. Blinking back the tears, he released the pressure of his teeth harshly against his lips. A few tears trickled down his cheeks, dripping on the floor to leave tiny patches against the laminate. It was his own problem. He had no one he could really talk to about it.

He was weak. He couldn’t compete but most of all they didn’t need him. The colour purple sought against the countless dark thoughts attempting to cloud his mind. The purple cloud (or so he pictured it as) was like a blanket, putting up the barriers to keep him as sane as he could. Shige mentally grasped onto that colour, holding tightly with his hands balled up that even his knuckled turned white. The colour purple was his protector, his guardian against everything he feared.



Shige felt himself lying on the floor, his eyes cast to the ceiling above him. He felt exhausted, his chest rising and falling in a smoothed out rhythm.

The colour purple had this effect on him. It could bore him to tears. It could send him right off to sleep without the worries or consequences of what he may face the following day. Shige loved the colour purple. Even though the colour purple was dull in itself, add it with other complimentary items and it would become the most radiant of all. Purple matched with all colours. Pink, blue, red, yellow… with purple being the colour that it was, it really made the others stand out. It brought the best potential out of all the colours

Shige laughed. His small little fit of tears soothed him enough. Purple was able to communicate with all colours, to understand them better.

Him? of course it was him, his best friend,

His loyal companion from the start.

Koyama Keiichiro.

A member so bright and caring, a little dorky and messy at times. Shige was thankful to him. Without Koyama’s shoulder to cry on, without Koyama’s warm hands patting his back and ushering him to stop crying, Shige was more than certain he would have walked from his dream. It was because of his best friend he had truly began to realise how much he wanted this: to continue with his dream, how much he wanted to claw at it to make something possible rather than what seemed impossible right now.

Shige didn’t want to stay the transparent colour. He didn’t want his voice to no longer be overpowered by those around him. Mostly Shige wanted to become a colour. His very own character. One that people can say.. that’s Shige. To wear that colour with pride during the concert. To have a sense of identity on the stage and not blend in with the others.

That was also part of the idol’s dream. To become radiant in his own way.

———

The shrill of the alarm cut through the silence, a jolt as the male shot upright in his bed. His vision was blurry from sleep, heart pounding from the shock. His hands clutched the cover, half holding it for “protection”. An icy glare cast towards where the loud noise had come from.

[ 04:30 ]

Flicking the switch down with the swat of his hand, the young male sat in perfect silence or what should have been if it wasn’t for the beating of his heart drumming in his ear. Pushing back the chocolate locks, Shige sighed falling back to his pillow.

Today was meant to be his day off. The alarm had been set for the previous day, though obviously he had forgotten to turn it off. The dream was still vivid in his mind, his heart swelling with the emotions of the previous day. The trigger to the dream or so he had guessed.

Yesterday, an interview had taken place. One that was an insight to NEWS’ life before and after joining Johnny’s Jimusho. Though rather for Shige, he’d surprised himself. He was awfully honest. Rather than preparing answers in advance he’d faced them head on.



" Can you tell us a little about your childhood? " pen and paper ready to scribble down his answer. Shige kept his eyes on the ground, his voice low.

" I was a lonely kid I suppose…" when asked to explain Shige only gripped the edge of his seat. " I avoided people. They didn’t like me much." The reporter leaning in to hear better at what the idol was mumbling. " I’m an only child so it’s not like I had anyone to greet me when I returned home. My father was very strict on me." A small laugh, only to cover up how he felt back then. " I wasn’t allowed to sleep in my parents room." Lost in his tale now, the idol sat back in to the chair. ” It was lonely been the only child there, I felt the pressure that I needed to do well. As their only son I couldn’t disappoint them. I tried my best at studying, I guess I wanted their approval. It sounds silly to say, but I was really lonely.”

Pen scribbling away, filling the silence in the room. Shige’s mind was racing. He’d never shared that information before. He loved his parents very much and was quite close with them now.

Carrying on with answering the questions. "There was a time in elementary when a kid used to bully me. I was a weak child, a bit of a coward. I remember well that he used to beat me a lot. I’d come home often with blood on my clothes,I can always imagine that time. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t stick up for myself. I’ve never been much of a fighter, but when we moved I wanted to change that."

The idols expression sank. " I wanted to make friends, to go places after school with other people. I thought this change at another school would help me become popular. " a half-hearted chuckle ” I never thought I’d end up being the bully.”

" What do you mean by that? " the question fired right at him. Pausing and taking a deep breath. Shige was ashamed of himself.

" I’m bad at communicating with people. When I’m nervous to them it seems as if I’m being cold and distant. I had quite a feisty temper. I said a lot of things that I could be hated with, however I was scared.." trailing off.

" Scared? "

What are you scared of?

I’m scared, they’re looking at me strange. Eh? Why are you leaving? Don’t go. I don’t want to be alone. I want to be friends. Please don’t hate me anymore. Why are you all avoiding me? Please don’t leave me out. I want to go to the arcade too, I want to talk and play soccer. I want to go to sleep overs… come back. I don’t want to be alo-

" Kato-Kun, Is everything ok?"

" I was very self conscious of what people thought of me. I’d always try to look my best on the outside. I wanted to make friends, so I was always scared that they’d suddenly come to hate me and that I couldn’t do anything about it." He hadn’t meant to get this emotional thinking about his past. Rather Shige never intended to relive these thoughts.

" This continued in to your years of becoming a junior?" ” Ahh how to answer…” Scratching the back of his head, a blunt smile on the boys face. " I guess it did. The other juniors were all small and cute I guess you could say. I wasn’t. I was tall, I wasn’t as pretty as the others. I didn’t really have a character you could say." Another deep breath. ” We would often finish practice together, though the senpai’s would take the other kouhai’s out for lunch or around shopping. I didn’t get asked. Though I never showed it much, It’s just how I am, but I really loved my senpai’s I wanted to be close to them. To be praised on how well I was doing. I guess I’m really bad with talking to people.”

Questions continuing one by one, asking about his dreams, his wishes and how the debut as NEWS made him feel. Though the question still reached one he was dreading the most and silently wishing that it wouldn’t come up. Shige had been unable to answer. The question was one about his character. Their colours to represent them for their come back as a 4.

—-

Rolling over shoving his face under the pillow, pressing against the mattress. Having only just made their come back, Shige was still full of uncertainty of what was to come for the four of them, but with a talk with his best friend yesterday Shige’s worries had died down. He finally knew his colour.

His colour,

The only colour to represent him.

The colour Green.

Shige represented the colour green. Green highlighted his negative points. His envy of his band members and classmates, his inexperience and being indifferent over situations. It only showed how inconsiderate he’d been back then to his other members. Kato had chosen green because of this too. Rather than denying his flaws, the Idol had only come to accept them.

Though his colour was more commonly known for growth. Shige had grown the most, though not on his own. With the never ending push of his band members, to laughing and crying over how much he wanted to achieve his dream. Singing Karaoke with the three of them. Overcoming the walls that hindered their growth.

Shige had decided that with the decision to accept this colour, he would grow to become a reliable person. A second leader of NEWS. A person who they could come to, a person who could uphold them. Throwing away his negativity as much as he could do, the idol would only focus on achieving his best. To him NEWS was a family and he didn’t want to see it shrink anymore. He was done with the endless nights of crying over seeing the title removed from his name.

He was in NEWS and NEWS was with him. It was because of this small family. He finally had a place he belonged.

He was no longer the transparent colour.

_-*-_ ~~~~~ _-*-_

End notes: I wanted to show with this fic, of shiges growth and his wish to continue on with NEWS;; I hope that I did okay with my first writing ^^ thank you!
Comments 
20th-Jan-2015 12:58 am (UTC)
I usually dont read no Tegomasu's fic, but I'm glad I read this one. I like fictions that have a lot of descriptions and that you really can feel the character's feelings. You always feel more immerse in a story when the feelings of the main character are well explained and you totally nailed it.

It made me feel ''Is Shige really felt like that ?''

I also love your descriptions of the colors.
20th-Jan-2015 10:33 am (UTC)
Ah gosh thank you so much for reading;;
^^ i felt the same way writing this/ reading the interview and. im glad i got his feelings across well in the story.
;u; thank you so much for reading my first piece! It really means a lot to me!
21st-Jan-2015 01:32 am (UTC)
It was a pleasure to read it !!
You nailed it !
I hope to read more from you in the futur ! ^^
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